I’m not exactly religious. Actually I’ve been an atheist for just over half my life but I found myself wondering just what this God bloke might have to say about allowing so much evil into the world. What would it be like to ask Him? Would He actually explain Himself? I wonder…
Me: Our Father, who art in Heaven
God: You called?
Me: Why do you allow so much hatred into the world?
God: It’s good for humans to have something to believe in – a just cause to keep them occupied.
Me: Are you saying that things like racism, religious hatred and oppressing vulnerable people are just causes?
God: Not at all, my son. Opposing hatred is the just cause I was thinking of.
Me: I see. So what about Christians who hate because they’re defending a Christian land? Haters like Tommy Robinson, Katie Hopkins and Nigel Farage?
God: Hmmm. Good question. Hang on a tic – I’ll ask my lad, Jesus.
Me: Twiddles thumbs expectantly for a bit
God: He said He never knew them. Never even heard of them in fact. They don’t come to visit on Sundays and He’s pretty sure that they don’t know too much about Him either.
ME: So they’re not really Christians? Is that what you’re saying?
God: Only God knows who is true and who is not.
Me: But you are God.
God: Yes but I’m not telling you!
Me: Well, what can you tell me?
God: I can tell you that Haters often hang on to religion’s shirt tails. They think it gives them an air of respectability but in reality it just shows them up as hypocrites.
Me: Is that what Allah thinks about all those Muslim terrorists? Will you ask Him for me?
God: Don’t need to. I’m Allah. Allah is the Arabic word for God.
Me: But Middle Eastern Christians don’t call you Allah.
God: They bloody do!
Me: Did you swear then, God?
God: Just a little bit. Anyway – it’s in the Bible.
Me: So what about Muslim terrorists?
God: Islamist terrorists are no more Muslim than Anders Breivik is Christian.
Me: That’s good to hear but how can I be sure?
God: Easy. Go and visit your Muslim neighbours. Get to know them. You’ll see that they want peace just as much as you do.
Me: What if they try to kill me?
God: There are 1.7 billion Muslims on the planet right now. If they all wanted you dead I don’t think there’s be any doubt about it, do you? You’ll be fine. Trust me. I’m God.