Saving Christmas: A letter to Eric

Apparently Boris has buggered about a bit with Priti Patel’s treatment of Johnny Foreigner and graciously allowed the ungrateful little bastards back on to Britain’s glorious soil… for a strictly limited period of time.

This is to allow them to serve us, their natural masters, by driving our stuff about. They get to bask in the glory of Britain’s roads, much less congested now that fuel is so scarce and we, their overlords, get to have the Christmas we deserve. Good on yer, Boris.

But just in case those ungrateful Europeans don’t understand the honour they’ve so graciously been given. In case they prefer to work on the continent with better pay and permanent contracts. In case they misunderstand the privilege of being allowed to drive on the left side of the road, to use verges for toilets and to spend hours getting in and out of Kent. Just in case they don’t get it, I’ve written to a mate of mine in Dover. I’ve asked him to execute a sort of plan B for the festive season.

Here’s what I wrote…

 

Well done Boris! Good job, mate!

Boris has fudged it for ERG Brexiteers’, for farmers, for fishermen, for financiers, for food retailers and for the economy. But it’s not all bad news. ‘Them forriners’ did really well out of the deal.

They still get to make our laws (now without our input), they still get to travel between 27 countries while we can’t even get through Kent without a passport. They get to buy the Covid-19 vaccine for €10 less per shot (that’s trading blocks for you) and they keep the level playing field to stop us undercutting them.

As Barnier once said… “The UK has chosen to renounce the rights and benefits that come with EU membership”.

We’ll done, Boris! Good job, mate!